No one could control me

It's nothing, it's just business. I don't know what's going wrong indeed. It seemed that I'm gonna in the bad loop again. Actually, tha't a real me. I treated them as my best partners and just said sth. what's in the bottom of my heart, but... it's proved that I was wrong again. I should learn how to lie and tell the fairy stories. I could not be controlled. That's really frustrated, right? Scheisse. Is that my fault. How come every body just wanna to put other people to be guilty. How abt. me? I am a kind of soft gal, while I faced the tough guy. I would be a kind of tough gal, in front of the soft guys. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I felt hurt. Am I too agressive or simple minded? I think I should keep silent and shut my mouth. Though it's not the best way to solve the problems, but it will not cause more probems. Respects get from winning. I am a totally losser indeed now. They don't feel I respect them, I don't get it from them either. How should the solutions come up? Try me best. I do value our relationship. Em... I should take some rest now. I am blue...